I simultaneously feel like I’m a toddler and a thousand years old.
I can’t believe this happened to me.
A simple college girl in love with musicals, books, and Darren Criss's Eyebrows
I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
So last week me and my friend were trying out a faceswap app
And for some reason it wouldn’t recognise that there were 2 faces in the picture
So we tried it from a different angle and
I was really confused and kind of offended at what it’d done to my face
NOT A DAY PASSES WHEN I DON’T LAUGH AT THIS
Things I accept as Dalton canon:
- Hope Clayton and Riley Paige went on a couple of dates before she started going out with Charlie.
- Hunter Clarington is Sydney Willis’s ex-boyfriend.
- Sydney and Spencer Willis do this all of the time and think it is the funniest joke in the universe, and no one else thinks it is even a little funny.
- Dalton Fight Club takes place in the Hanover basement. It is very exclusive, with just a handful of members. Justin is not allowed to participate in fights anymore.
Anonymous asked: I'm at work and I'm about to cry. I don't want to cry, can you say something funny?
ONE TIME AT SCHOOL LET ME REMIND YOU I GO TO AN ALL GIRLS CATHOLIC HIGH SCHOOL SO THEY ALL WEAR SHOIRT ASS SKIRTS OKAY SO ONE TIME THIS GIRL LIKE TRIPPED AND HER SKIRT FLEW UP AND MY FRIEND WAS LIKE TIFFANH GO FUCKING HELP HER UP AND I WAS LIKE PARALYZED STARING AT HER ASS AND THEN MY FRIEND WAS LIKE FUCKING SHIT TIFFANY YOU USELESS LESBIAN AND SHE LITERALLY HIT ME WITH A BIBLE AND I HAVE NO REGRETS NONE
This kills me every time
"TIFFANY YOU USELESS LESBIAN"